The past twenty-four hours or so have been rather wonderful. faeriemaiden came over for our food-and-things-on-screens party, finally. We had lovely gingersnaps and chocolate chip cookies (and chocolate from Hockman's, of course) and lots of tea with the fancy teapot and nice china. Under a canopy of blankets in my bedroom, with faerie lights, tea lights, scarves and dried flowers, it was very lovely. We watched the second half of Alice and then we watched Bright Star. Said movie is absolutely beautiful and very sad - comic relief was provided by the lurking Byron, who made cameos during the film in the form of a cat. But I say! It never occurred to me to like vocal arrangements of classical pieces - I mean, it's neat, but I wouldn't want to listen to them for fun or anything... Bright Star made it occur to me that people might get together and sing classical pieces! That is just a beautiful, magical thing. I want to do it so very much. 

This morning after a yummy croissant and bacon breakfast (also orange juice), we got dressed up and went up on the hill to take pictures. It was a very impractical venture, due to the large amount of snow that appeared overnight, and goddessreason was the only one of us wearing actual snow boots. (Jo was wearing heeled shoes and I was wearing boots of the biker nature, with chunky heels, plus we were both wearing long skirts - in my case, ankle-length.) We managed to make it up the hill in one piece (not without falling a lot though) and we took some pictures and tried to keep our fingers and noses from falling off. My cloak kept me rather warm since it's made of wool, but that didn't help much with the extremities. We survived the trek home by singing songs from Once More, With Feeling. After spending an hour or so at the theatre, we came home for church, and then Jolene and I went to Goodwill before taking her home. I rather scored there, acquiring a fantastic jacket (although it needs altered a bit before it's quite wearable) and two skirts which are absolutely awesome.

Oh, and my darling Jo brought me books! I have got Wuthering Heights and Dianna Wynne Jones' 'The Game' out from the library and am about halfway through the former - but now I have got an entire other stack of books, coming recommended by a very trustworthy source, and I am very excited. Mmm. Books. They are my beautiful little worlds. I need to find some Keats in book form as well, so I can enjoy it properly.

-S

 Today I went to the dentist. Unlike the last visit, they actually knew why I was there and what they were doing to me. Some of you may be familiar with the Long and Epic Saga of my front teeth - for those of you who are not, here is a condensed version. When I was around eleven-ish, I broke my two front teeth on the head of another young girl as we ran around like maniacs in the basement of First Baptist playing tag in the pitch dark. Although at the time her wound was a bit more dramatic (read, there was blood), I think that ten stitches and a cool scar were a much better price to pay than the years of trouble I have had to deal with. The teeth were built back up with dental cement or some such, but when I was around twelve or thirteen I needed a root canal. The root canal left a wake of disaster in the form of a permanent discoloration in my front teeth. My dentist refused to fix it because he said that crowns were the best option and crowns could not be done until I was fifteen. In the time that lapsed between the root canal and the minimum age for crowns, he dropped my family as patients. Last May I finally was seen by another dentist.

So today, my current dentist (who is far nicer than the former, but still has faults) was to drill away the teeth that were in my mouth (leaving the roots and such), take impressions for permanent crowns, and then fit temporary crowns so I don't have to go around toothless until the permanent crowns are done. As he inspected my teeth today, he reminded me that crowns were only a last resort, just so I knew. Thanks, Doc. We went over this last time. Either I get permanent crowns that, barring any unforeseen circumstances, last a blasted long time, or you build up the teeth with whatever it is that you use, which only lasts a few years and will result in edges and staining (not the root canal discoloration, but still) like I've had. Regardless, this was annoying because it gave me pinpricks of doubt that I otherwise wouldn't have had. The whole thing took two and a half hours, which was made more inconvenient by the fact that my dentist is an hour away from where I live. Theuncomfortable/painful bits were made less so by my iPod. It is difficult to entirely sink into the music when someone is drilling inside your mouth, but it does make the drilling more easily tolerated. A few times while they were adjusting the temporary crowns, the dentist and the hygienist made comments, smirking, about how they wouldn't make the teeth too long, or put a very big space between them... I laughed. Nervously.

Now I have got these temporary crowns in, and they don't look too bad in passing. I shall just refrain from inspecting them closely and shall not smile with my lips apart, and practice speaking correctly so that I don't lisp too much. The permanent crowns had ought to be coming in about two and a half weeks. Hopefully it is sooner rather than later. And they had better look damn nice, or I will not be pleased. And if they give me a lisp, so help me... I got my revenge on them for their ill-conceived attempts at joking by coming home and drinking sugary drinks and then making myself gingersnaps to eat. I have also got to be very careful with these temporary crowns, because I do not want them to come out. I will be quite angry if they do.

-S

 I've been hearing about this Owl City guy for a while, never really checking the music out because I'm not a huge electronica person and I generally arrive late at the Next Big Thing party. For some reason I clicked a link for this video and really, it's kind of awesome.


-S

So I'm looking at Other Colleges. And I'm feeling...lost?

Hallo!

Dad recently rearranged the furniture, and as a result I now have a quasi-desk. It is actually a small green table and I haven't got anything remotely resembling a nice desk chair, but at least it is my own workspace. For the past months I have been using the dining room table, which is very inconvenient when it is time for meals. I think I am going to make myself some pretty, unobtrusive things to hang on the wall in the corner where the quasi-desk is located. Nothing too much because it's still in the dining room and somebody (i.e. Dad) will object, but if I'm going to spending most of the day here I want some things that will make me happy. My room makes me happy, but the only potential workspace up there is Hannah's desk, which is, er, covered in her stuff. How inconsiderate, wot?

I had been very overwhelmed with this whole applying-for-financial-aid thing, but yesterday I actually buckled down and did stuff. I'd been having a hankering to watch Pride & Prejudice for a while - even more so now that I've read the book. So I decided that I would reward myself with Pride & Prejudice, only if I did as much as I possibly could of the paperwork. I printed out the 6 pages of instructions and 22 pages of worksheets and filled out as much as I could, only not completing it because I didn't have all of Dad's information yet. (Today I finished the worksheets and filled out the actual stuff online, but didn't submit it because the thing had some problems. My Dad is technically self-employed, but it asks for the market value of his business, how much he owns in it, etc. He's a parish priest. How do you answer those questions?) So yes. Achieving feels really good. After I'm done with this rot I have to do the FAFSA, and then there's going to be instructions on how to submit copies of everything to the College Board, but the latter does not have a gigantic, important, looming deadline, so that's good. I guess the sucky thing about this adulthood thing is that it never stops, does it? You finish one big scary work thing only to have to start with another. Hopefully college itself will be a little more beneficial and enjoyable, wot wot.

Heehee, I ended both of those paragraphs with 'wot'. I amuse myself. Anyways. Last night Eli and Dad starting watching...ugh...the Simpsons while waiting for another show to start. (I despise the Simpsons, and Family Guy, and all that wretched rot. They are horribly animated [for some reason the Simpsons in particular makes me want to vomit], the humor is disgusting, often raunchy, and offensive to pretty much everything ever. And it's not even funny half the time. Certainly not random and witty the likes of Monty Python, for instance. [Take note, I am not a complete snob - for instance, I like Aqua Teen Hunger Force.]) So yes, they were watching that revolting show. I did the dishes, then posted on Twitter that I intended to hide up in my bedroom with my laptop and Pride & Prejudice, and faeriemaiden gave me a lovely idea.
( Here are the results. )
I am thinking of doing something similar tonight, only I'll be watching Vampire Diaries. Not as romantical and lovely, but still. :)

-SXM, Sarah Meholick, Esq. Bane of Shadows

 Lately, I've been rediscovering.

For a while, it seemed I was too busy to read. Or I couldn't find anything I wanted to read, so I didn't. But I love books, you see. I always have. Reading has always been one of my favorite things, I've always devoured books, for as long as I can remember. This summer I re-read the Lord of the Rings for the millionth time, with the goal of re-reading the Silmarillion when I finished. Instead, I read Alas, Babylon, which was lent to me by shadowempress. It really pulled me in, as a book hadn't done in a while. Then I started Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell in earnest. I've had the book since my sixteenth birthday, a gorgeous hardcover that my friend Emma gave me. I had read the first few pages and, in a way that was very uncharacteristic of me, set it down and didn't pick it back up again. But it did draw me in, and so I began working my way through it again (it's a very large book) during the summer. And then, the magic happened. I was nearly done (only about a hundred pages left, I think) and I went to bed with the intention of, er, sleeping. Instead, the story took hold and I simply could not put it down until I was finished. (that was once pretty much my entire state of existence - as soon as I opened a book, I was there and you had to call my name at least three times before you could get my attention) I stayed up until 2:30 and when I was done I nearly cried. (partially because of the ending. it was so sad, but it was right.)

So, I've sort of been rediscovering my beloved books. I read Pride & Prejudice and it took me a long time. That's another thing which is uncharacteristic of me; usually I read very quickly. Finally, in the third part, I really got into it. We were at Borders last week and I bought myself a book lamp, and I find that hiding under the covers and reading before going to sleep is a wonderful thing. There are no distractions, nothing but the words on the page (and perhaps a soundtrack provided by Dr. Hart [that's my iPod]) and I can fall into the story like I used to do. It's a wonderful thing. I'm nearly done with Tristan And Iseult (Rosemary Sutcliff's telling! joy! I love her writing and the way it makes me proud to be descended from the Celts/Britons) and...I don't know. The pictures, they're coming like the always did, and I didn't know I was missing them until I had them back. I don't have to think about what the things look like...even the smell, the taste, the wind and the sun on my face, it's all there effortlessly. I've been immersed in the music magic, letting myself structure it into songs, and letting it flow out of me when I have no words or anything but that. Now I'm finding the reading magic again, and I'm falling into the stories and the characters and being inspired.

-SXM, Sarah Meholick, Esq. Bane of Shadows

 This is the first encore from Heavy and Light 2010.


-SXM, Sarah Meholick, Esq. Bane of Shadows

Yesterday was a day of epic shopping. Having to get up at eight-ish on a Saturday was somewhat abhorrent, but going to the Pittsburgh Mills mall with bergsdeswolf, callme_al01, and goddessreason was too good of a prospect to warrant (much) complaint. Despite feeling rather carsick on the way down, we enjoyed a lovely lunch at Panera (my first time eating there, I believe) and then did our shopping. I spent too much money, really, but I am trying not to feel guilty about it, because I earned it and I don't regret any of my purchases at all. (these include a pair of purple trousers [like Hatter's!], a fantastic Alice shirt [it says 'Drink Me' on it! it goes with my mug and my necklace! squee!], pretty earrings from Claires, awesome earrings from Hot Topic that will serve well when punking out any outfit, a pair of plaid Converses [I have been in the market for a pair of interesting high tops ever since my epic blue ones disintegrated last year], and a hardcover copy of Don Miller's new book, 'A Million Miles In A Thousand Years.') None of the things I got were necessarily expensive (most were on sale, in fact, including the Converses), but I tend to feel badly whenever I spend money, I'm not sure why. It's kind of annoying and I'm trying to get out of the habit, but then, it's better than being irresponsible.

I also watched parts of Heavy And Light from the live webcast last night. Aaron Gillespie and another chap (Aaron Marsh, I think) did a beautiful stripped down version of 'Some Will Seek Forgiveness, Others Escape', which is my favorite Underoath song. Every time I hear it I am struck, but this time it was especially so. As I posted on Twitter and Facebook at the time... hey unfaithful, I will teach you to be stronger / hey ungraceful, I will teach you to forgive one another / hey unloving, I will love you That's...that's everything. Nothing else matters without that. You know, you can give me all your poison, pills, and hopeless hearts. But without this, life doesn't mean much. Stephen Christian made my night by playing my favorite Anchor & Braille songs. I really enjoyed Bryce Avary's set and must acquire some music by The Rocket Summer very soon (and he played 'Maps' by Yeah Yeah Yeahs!). Then Aaron Gillespie came back on and I pretty much cheered (albeit quietly) when he played two of my favorite The Almost songs, and also covered 'Where The Streets Have No Name' (with an acoustic guitar, cello, piano and Zach Williams singing backups!!!) I really love that kid. Aaron is a wonderful example of what Christians should be like. I'm waiting for the video to come out so I can transcribe what he said about issues, understanding, grace and God. This man, he's only in his twenties, but he has a lot of wisdom, I think. I'll be posting the quote here once I've got it, because I think what he says is important. Aaron's also a charismatic frontman, random and friendly. Not to mention a great musician. Yeah. (He's kind of like a long-haired, less Irish, taller version of Bono, without the preaching and dedicated love of hyperbole. As I said, love this guy.) When he finished his set, he called the other musicians on stage, and guys, it was a finale to remember. I keep meaning to post the video of last year's finale (I'll do it tomorrow, in fact, provided I remember), which was wonderful too. This year, there were fifteen musicians onstage. Multiple guitars and percussion, mandolin, piano, harmonica, everybody singing. They did 'Stand By Me', which made me very happy and reminded me of my U2 show. What had me cheering again though, was the final encore. They played 'I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For', and guys, I'm not exaggerating when I say I was as joyful when I was lying on the floor in my bedroom watching a live webcast from Florida on a tiny screen, as I was when I was standing in a stadium in Boston hearing U2 play the same song. I think that, after U2 this summer, my next Show I Must Go To is next year's Heavy And Light. Whoever was running the live Twitter feed posted this during the encore: 'It's like a feeling that nothing else matters in the world right now except for HOPE and COMMUNITY.' And man, I wasn't even there, and I knew it. It was that feeling of camaraderie that is often present at concerts, but deeper and more. I stayed up way too late, being part of this evening of heavy and light, and it was something special.

I want to post more, but my head kinda hurts and I need to go to bed. Been getting headaches lately, not sure why. They're not bad, just kind of there. Tomorrow I need to post videos here. I also need to make a scrapbook page, finish recording a song, practice music for the theatre, and other stuff. So, I am off to my bed. (after I wash my face, brush my teeth, etc...some day, I'll be able to do things without doing other things first. you know what I mean?) As Jamie says, peace to you tonight.

-SXM, Sarah Meholick, Esq. Bane of Shadows

Well, today was rather good. At the moment it isn't, as I have a headache, but I'm sure it will improve upon the appearance of dinner. I recorded half of the piano track for a song, then went out to run errands. I acquired copious amounts of yummy things at Hockman's due to their wonderful generosity, I exchanged the Polamalu jersey I got for Christmas for one that actually fits, picked up my pictures at Walmart, and treated myself to a new shirt. My grandmother sent me some money for Christmas (it only got here a couple days ago), so I decided I could justify a $5 shirt which will come in handy in making new outfits. Unfortunately, the rest of the day has not been so productive, but I think that part of the feeling of meh right now is the headache.

I did not get into the show at the theatre, but I am helping with the music at practices. I'm learning the score on the piano - it's rather difficult, but fun to play once I've got it down, and it's a nice opportunity for me to actually work on my piano playing. So that's what I've been up to lately, I suppose. I'm going to fill out the FAFSA nonsense and then find colleges with rolling admissions at which to apply. I'm not doing both at once, else I'll get overwhelmed and do nothing. Tomorrow, some shopping in Pittsburgh, hurrah! I've got Border's gift certificates, so I can buy myself a book or two guilt free! I'm very pleased about this. I suppose a quick trip into Hot Topic will be in order as well. (erm. of course. yay for doing odd jobs and having a bit of money. never fear though, I shan't spend too much. I never do, unless it's on Christmas presents.) Oh, new layout and title, by the way. I like it.

Beeca has friends over and they've been making lots of noise. I think I am going to find something to eat while waiting for dinner and then curl back into the couch with Pride & Prejudice. Or wait, perhaps dinner is ready, in which case the book shall accompany me to the table. It's taken me a long time to finish this book, mostly because I've been abandoning it for days at a time, which is very unlike me. This is what growing up and having to Do Things will do to you! I highly advise avoiding it, if ever you have the chance. Oh, today I dressed pseudo-Victoriana-goth and was very pleased with myself. I think I'll do it again tomorrow and maybe acquire stuff to make more outfits of this sort at Hot Topic. I was inspired by Connor and Abby's outfits at the end of the Primeval season finale that we watched last night. Both of them have fantastic clothes. And I've just been given good news! One of the friends brought along Night At The Museum 2, so I can finally see it. This pleases me.

-SXM, Sarah Meholick, Esq. Bane of Shadows

I came up with three defining albums of 2009. Only two are from that year, but they are two of the year's (if not the decade's) best albums, and the other one is from that year if you're me, so there. These three albums have taught me much and define the (continually growing) person I am, musically and lyrically.

The first, naturally, is No Line On The Horizon by U2. On this record there is a faith in an amazing, Magnificent God which helps my own faith, reminds me that it's not foolish to believe what I believe. There is an understanding of the fallen, searching, different person that I am, the Unknown Caller. There is encouragement and joy in Stand Up Comedy (come all ye people, stand up for your love), Breathe and Get On Your Boots. Perhaps most significantly, this album has been a huge step towards that seemingly unattainable goal of peace. What's more, peace with things the way they are, with perhaps sadness, but peace nonetheless. Cedars Of Lebanon and White As Snow, and of course, Moment Of Surrender. Surrendering to God, giving Him the burden, the questions, the pain, as well as the praises of thanks and joy.

The second is Muse's The Resistance. First, let me clarify that, of course, I do not necessarily agree with all of the political statements that can be inferred from the lyrics, nor the scientific hypotheses suggested. I still have to give them more thought, especially the exogenesis hypothesis. That being said, it's all very interesting and certainly thought provoking. In some ways, though, the lyrics do resonate very much. The call for a revolution... But the biggest thing is this - love is our resistance. I really, really believe that the biggest change that we can make in the world, no matter what we are trying to affect, is on a personal level, with love, compassion and hope. Letting those things define us, our lives, and our relationships with people, even if they only last for a moment. Of course, the music is a huge thing too. As I said in the last post, I love their particular brand of alternative rock. I also really love the way they incorporate classical music into the album. The Exogenesis Symphony is brilliant and beautiful, proof that modern music does not consist of four minutes of catchy guitar riffs. 

The third is Wind In The Wires by Patrick Wolf. I'm not sure how much I can say about this one. You have to listen to it, and if you get it, then you get it. If you don't, I'm not sure I can explain it to you. This album resonated in me, musically, in an incredible way. Listening to it, it's as though my soul made this music without me knowing it. Like I've had these songs always in my mind and now I'm hearing them, finally. I don't know. It's especially the music, but the lyrics are beautiful too, and a few of the songs help express who I am as well. The Libertine, I've got to go, I'm going to run the risk of being free, not only literally, but as a person. The Gypsy King, traveling through life and wondering whether to follow the star or the gypsy king, able to see my own small house built by the sea, I could live there alone with a horse and a ukulele. The Railway House, Ghost Song, even Tristan in some ways, these songs are me.

Oh, while we're on the subject of me... (cue sheepish smile here) I made a Tweet Cloud of all my twits from the last year. All the words I've used most. I kind of like it.

-SXM, Sarah Meholick, Esq. Bane of Shadows

 So. It's New Year's Eve again. Weird, that. Earlier, Sophie and Xenia were sitting in the living room, contentedly listening to U2's 'No Line On The Horizon'. It was the quietest they had been in two days. I must remember this for the future.

Last year at this time I was on a plane en route to London... 

I often have difficulty thinking of things which define an entire year. The things which immediately come to mind are the most recent events, which of course do not define the entire year. 2009 was not a bad year, I suppose. 2008 was - but 2009 was not. 2009 was not recovery, maybe, but it was adjusting. It was also a year of monumental importance in terms of things I did and me growing up (which, by the way, will never be completed).

( I'm going to run the risk of being free )

That's a dismal note to end this on, isn't it? Well, let me say one more thing. That was 2009 - in a few hours, it will be 2010. Maybe I didn't go as far as I wanted to, but I did make it a little farther along the path of my life. There's no definable end to it, you see, so it's not like I'm worried about moving too fast right now. I grew up some, but in good ways, I think. Oh yeah, I turned eighteen this year. But yes, 2010. I got to move along, grow, discover and even have a few adventures this year, and I hope that next year will have even more of that. And it's not a vain hope, I think. Happy New Year, my friends. May the good memories of 2009 stay with you and the bad ones fade, and may the new year bring you many blessings.

-SXM, Sarah Meholick, Esq. Bane of Shadows

 to believe in things we never see / are prayers just wishes in disguise / and are these wishes being granted me / for now I see / the answering / to every prayer I've ever prayed - Trans-Siberian Orchestra

This Christmas was quiet family time, wonderful presents that all make me various degrees of happy, children's excitement and glee, church and candlelight and contemplation in the quiet. I got lots of lovely things which made me squee; the wonderful tiny-glass-bottle necklace with the 'Drink Me' tag (it goes with my mug from Oxford!), a 'LOVE IS THE MOVEMENT' Deon shirt (I've wanted one for such a long time!), the new Patrick Wolf album that Hannah somehow managed to find at F.Y.E (I haven't listened to all of it yet, but what I've heard is fantastic), some darling tops, several pairs of Socks Of The Awesome (two pairs with Jack Skellington, not to mention the fingerless gloves!), an Alice In Wonderland poster (from the old Disney version, it is of the Mad Tea Party and it is very colorful and I love it), and tea and a Polamalu jersey (finally!) and various other sundry things which are wonderful because they are all things which delight me. The best thing was probably the way Xenia shrieked with glee at the Nightmare Before Christmas pillow I got for her. :D

Now, I haven't time to ramble, really. I have to get up horribly early (and I've been up since horribly early this morning) so I can walk the Huss's dogs and shower before we have to leave for Bishop Job's funeral. By the way, you all had really ought to listen to Christmas Eve And Other Stories by Trans-Siberian Orchestra. It is one of the most beautiful albums (listen to it in order, as it tells a story) that ever existed and really illustrates Christmas wonderfully in both a personal and grand-scheme-theology type of way.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

-SXM, Sarah Meholick, Esq. Bane of Shadows

 Christmas Eve is tomorrow. Wait, what? Things just seem to have gone so quickly this year.

I didn't get cast in the upcoming show at the Reitz, alas. I guess I should look on the bright side; now I'll have more time for stuff like school, job-hunting, and best of all, my music. Speaking of which, six_i_notes tomorrow,  so hopefully I will remember to do that.

Ah Christmas, season of miracles. Now that I've had my own Christmas miracle (my trip to London!!! last year, which even if it is the only Fantastic Thing that ever happens to me, will always make me happy to remember - not to mention how wonderful everyone was with the omgznomoneyforfoodhalp issue and everything else), I've been thinking rather more about it. When I'm feeling maudlin/depressed/moping/whatever, I think about all the things which could happen on Christmas and don't and why oh why don't the miracles happen like they should, and why doesn't the magic of the lights and the snow and the songs follow through? I think I found an answer, though. You see, last year I received some wonderful surprises and it was more than I had hoped for and far, far more than I had expected. That touched me, affected me. But every year, someone is touched by some wonderful thing that they wouldn't have dared to hope for, not only amazing surprises but true miracles, too. A loved one returns unexpectedly, an estranged family member or friend might be reconciled with, an unexpected gift might be given, maybe something that you needed or truly desired (not just a new iPod or a Wii, but something expensive and practical yet luxurious, like a dishwasher or something). Anyway, always there are going to be people who wake up on Christmas morning to find that their dreams came true...and that, well, that's enough.

A lot of the time I see little bits of things that could be more, a forest that feels on the edge of coming alive, a moment that could have lasted forever, hanging on the edge of that Adventure that never quite happens. When I'm, I don't know, down? low? I start to doubt, and that nasty subconscious that tells me to feel upset when I'm not and to agonize when I can't do anything starts to say that maybe that's all that the magic, the miracles, ever are. Just things that don't quite happen, never quite go all the way. But they do, you see. Even if they aren't happening to me right now, they do happen. The world does not revolve around me (although this blog does, bwahaha) and you know, that's okay. I know that the magic, the miracles, they do happen and are happening and will happen, and that is enough. Christmas is not the forest that never comes alive, it is not the moment which passes too quickly and leaves you wanting more. This time, it's here and it's real, and it always is.


-SXM, Sarah Meholick, Esq. Bane of Shadows

We went out to get our Christmas tree this afternoon, accompanied by the same music that we have listened to on the same venture for many years running. From a cassette tape to CD to mp3 files playing from my iPod, it still sounds the same. It's funny, the things that end up lasting. It was nearly dark by the time we found our tree, simply because by the time people were home from school and Hannah had delivered her papers, it was late afternoon already. The tree, now that it has been set up, is not precisely perfect, but it is nice and will look lovely with all the ornaments on it, I'm sure. Our ornament collection is very motley looking, all inside an old steamer trunk, but our trees always look so beautiful. Each ornament has a meaning and a memory or three, and I much prefer that to a uniform decorating scheme. Although the tree may not look perfect, it is certainly interesting. When we set it up we discovered that it had a small, dead wasp nest in it. It also apparently had a small, very alive mouse in it. Our only inside cat, Zhiva, cornered it but Eli had compassion on it and rescued the little blighter. It was released up in the field above our house, much to the displeasure of Zhiva. She spent the next half hour inspecting the tree and surrounding area just in case the mouse had any friends with it. Hannah and Eli said the mouse's name was Freddy and it was a Christmas mouse; Dad said the mouse's name was Vittles and it was Spike's dinner (Spike is one of our outside cats); Sophie said the mouse's name was Reepicheep, but Hannah rightly pointed out that if it was, then it would have kicked all our asses by now.

Yesterday we went Christmas shopping in State College. We didn't get back until 11:10, but I nearly finished all my Christmas shopping, so yay. Also, they have a bunch of wonderful Alice In Wonderland stuff in Hot Topic that Hannah and I were nearly ecstatic over. If I get any money for Christmas which I can spend on myself...heh heh. Also, the two people working there were wonderfully nice and conversational. I recognized the guy from the last time I was at that store, although I'm sure he had no memory of me. Regardless, we chit-chatted about lots of things. I love when people are like that, I love when you can connect with people and feel as though you've made a friend, when you remember someone, although you may not even know their name.

Random: Apparently, Papa Roach and Shinedown covered U2's 'Beautiful Day' in concert a few days ago. I saw a video of it on YouTube that Jerry Horton posted on Twitter. The video was bad quality, of course, but I can only imagine that it must have been amazing in real life. I love when bands I like connect in one way or other, especially when it's in a way one might not expect. Speaking of music, I finally got the first Christmas song up at six_i_notes, in case anyone is interested and hasn't heard it yet.

Tomorrow I have to bake nut rolls for the church bake sale. I also really need to get over to the mall and pick my stuff up from Bath & Body Works and grab the last two Christmas presents I haven't got yet. And the post office, to send out packages. The aforementioned tree is now decorated, it is snowing outside and Mannheim Steamroller is playing over the stereo. It's all very Christmasy. I am curled up on our new love seat (an actual couch type thing, instead of an uncomfortable futon, hurrah) and feeling fairly warm and cozy. I should probably go to bed, since I accidentally slept in until eleven this morning, and I don't like when I do that. Ten o'clock is one thing, but later than that, I feel like I've slept most of the day away and it's not at all conducive to achieving anything at all. I think I'll sit down here a bit longer though, brooding perhaps. I could write a long thing about all the complicated things that make me broody, but I shan't, because it's bad enough brooding without dwelling on it more. My life is hot and cold, you know what I mean? It's great in some ways and sucky in others, but then, whose isn't? I just wish it would stay the same for a day or two. But no, I said I wouldn't dwell! Anyways. Pretty tree, peaceful snow, beautiful music. We'll stick with the nice things we do have, instead of thinking about the ones we don't, hmm?

-SXM, Sarah Meholick, Esq. Bane of Shadows

This made me smile.



-SXM, Sarah Meholick, Esq. Bane of Shadows

Hallo!

I have been exceedingly tired all day, which of course is why I am typing this blog post after eleven o'clock instead of going to bed. I nearly fell asleep in church, which I never, ever do. We had a matinee performance of Babes In Toyland; matinees are strange enough as it is, what with a routine which is supposed to take place at night being switched to afternoon (it's so weird performing when it is still light outside!), but today was stranger than ever. Diane, who plays the lead part of Mistress Mary Quite Contrary was in hospital for emergency surgery, so Elizabeth played her part, a girl called Evelyn played Elizabeth's original part, and Elizabeth's younger sister played Elizabeth's part in the second act. It was confusing and rather stressful at first, but it all ended up going really well. I don't know if Diane shall be back for the rest of the shows or not. We shall see. Afterwards, something even stranger happened. I went to see New Moon.

Yeah. For anyone who doesn't know, I am not a Twilight person, for many reasons. However, some girls at the theatre (they are more Hannah and Eli's friends than mine, but I know them and stuff) really like it and wanted to see it with everyone. Hannah was going as a good friend ought, and forcing Eli to go because he can come off as a pompous git sometimes and it was for his own good to go along. Well, yesterday Morgan asked me if I was coming, and I couldn't exactly say no, as she looked very hopeful. And at any rate, I figured I would at least have a good time Going Out, since I rarely ever do. Despite the fact that I am an introvert by nature, sometimes it is very nice to just go and spend time with people, lighthearted sort of time when you talk and laugh. As for the movie itself, I thought that if I ignored the actual substance of it, it wouldn't be too bad. I was correct in my assumptions.

Eating and then hanging out while waiting for the movie time at Subway was very enjoyable. Morgan and Nicole are several years younger than me and I don't spend as much time with them as Hannah and Eli (especially since Hannah sees them at school), but I like them both very much and they, Hannah and I all get along quite fine. As for the movie, it was not horrible. Well, a lot of the dialogue was lame (especially the first half) and the emotional bits were very hard to take seriously. The worst thing was the sparkling. I couldn't help it, it was just so funny, I had to laugh. I did my best to look at the positive things - Morgan really loves Twilight and hates when people diss it. I know what it's like to really love a movie or show and have people constantly making disparaging remarks about it ::coughSupernaturalcough:: and how really annoying it is. Twilight is not my cup of tea, but that doesn't mean that I need to ruin it for other people who aren't being harmed by their liking it. Anyways. If one looked past the melodramatic dialogue and the fact that Edward and Bella's relationship is horribly unhealthy, it wasn't all that bad. Also, a lot of good songs were in it. I still think it's all very silly and fail to understand why on earth Edward is anyone's dream guy, but wot ever. I had fun with people, which is the main thing.

Tomorrow I am off to the dentist to get my front teeth fixed (finally!), and in the afternoon I will hopefully get a couple Christmas songs recorded for Six Impossible Notes. However, I must focus on writing and practicing my Chopin piece because it needs perfected NOW. Also, I need to mess around with the mic and stuff for my computer...so much to do, and not enough time in the day. At least I have two nights off from theatre, so that's a little more time. And I'm behind on Merlin, Dollhouse, still haven't watched the latest Doctor Who special, and Hannah and Eli still have a ton of Supernatural to watch...and this all takes a backseat to the other stuff. I really do have to take some time just to play some music tomorrow though. Keeps me sane, don't you know. Anyways, off to bed.

-SXM, Sarah Meholick, Esq. Bane of Shadows

So, I know I've been shite at posting lately, and I apologize. Between the boys being here, the play, and my (failed) attempts at studying/writing music (well, actually, I've got the beginnings of a song which is more in the vein of Where We Go genre-wise, so yay) I have not been able to get to it. In the mean time, I am giving you all the link to a fantastic post by faeriemaiden which pretty much expresses my thoughts on the subject precisely. While I sometimes dress somewhat normal-ish, I often look exceedingly eccentric and my style tends to vary from day to day, and well, yes. Jo says it for me. :)

-SXM, Sarah Meholick, Esq. Bane of Shadows

- Made it home safe and sound, no thanks to the car refusing to start at 7:15 AM.

- Got my SAT scores back. Did better than expected, considering how much I despised that test. Math was meh, but not as dismal as I thought, writing was good (better than expected too, considering how horrible my essay was), and the reading score was kinda awesome. All in all, a decent score and about equivalent to my current ACT score, which I hope to improve when I take it again on the twelfth. Also, SAT subject tests a week from tomorrow. Must study for those, wot wot.

- Did not get the job at the coffee shop, by the way. Oh well.

- I turn eighteen in two hours, approximately. Oh me, oh my. It's not a huge thing, since all the main things that are 'different' when you're eighteen either don't apply or have already been done. I'm not joining the army, I don't smoke, I've already filed taxes. I may lose my medical insurance, still need to check on that, heh heh. Ooh, I have more opportunities when it comes to guns, though. Should check that out. I definitely want to obtain a permit to carry a concealed weapon, but you may have to be twenty-one for that. I'll be able to vote, but since there are no elections until next year, it's not exciting at the moment. I had a post about turning eighteen and how that relates to, er, relationships, but I'll just sum up by saying this. Although my first inclination is to feel weird about the fact that I shall be eighteen and never have had a relationship, but honestly, I'm not all that perturbed. I like to be open-minded about friends; not so much about boyfriends. I am very picky and even if some bloke magically walked into my nonexistent job and seemed decent and was good looking, I'm not sure I'd go out with him, and even more doubtful that I'd continue dating him. Well, scratch that. If he magically walked in, I might have to make an exception. But since he wouldn't be magically walking in...anyway. I've come to the conclusion that, like with the color blue, I can be very picky with boys (or rather, boys who may wish to be not just friends; the dangerous ones, you know). They could be quite fine, but not fine enough for me. Not because they are not good enough per se (though most of them aren't good enough), but because they are not the right shade of blue. And when I find one that is the right shade of blue, that shall be wonderful, but I shan't feel as though I am honestly missing out or something because I haven't got one yet. Heehee, when I do find one who is the right shade of blue, then he can be my ribbon (instead of a beaux, you see). Except that he cannot be a blue ribbon because then various friends of mine shall go into fits of laughter. So he can be the right shade of blue, but that shall not transmit to his ribbon-ness because it would be strange.

Right. Bedtime now, as I am really very, very tired. Goodnight everyone, and I shall see you again as an official adult. Bwahahaha.

-SXM, Sarah Meholick, Esq. Bane of Shadows

So yesterday and today have been really, really nice. This whole week has been great, actually. Yesterday we went on a Very Successful shopping trip which resulted in two pairs of jeans that fit, a really wonderful button down shirt (I need more of those), new fingerless gloves (they are light brown, light blue and cream striped and they make me feel cozy), and the hoodie which I am wearing right now. Also I found a Christmas present for a friend which was unforeseen, and very welcome. That was at Ross, where they also had marzipan which I bought as it was quite inexpensive for marzipan. Once upon a time, our family's collection of dishes was almost entirely comprised of things with the blue willow pattern on them. Over the years, naturally, many of them have been chipped, broken, smashed, etc. Well, they had the exact dishes we have for a wonderfully inexpensive price (as Ross tends to do), so I was able to supplement our dishes and it made me happy.

Today we went to Falls Park in downtown Greenville. I really like downtown Greenville. There are lots of pretty little shops (great for window shopping, because even though most of the stuff is very expensive, lots of the stuff is just pleasing to look at), there are lots of trees which have beautiful lights in them around Christmas time, and it's just generally lovely. After clambering around Falls Park we went to the Mellow Mushroom for dinner, as tradition dictates. The Mellow Mushroom is a fantastic pizzeria (they also have awesome salads and sandwiches) and is the sort of place which makes me happy. Now, some of you may be aware of my usual impatience (sometimes bordering on hatred) towards hippies in general. There are many things about hippie culture which make me angry or annoyed. (um, I have my reasons. it's basic psychology: resentment towards a subculture which is more than partially responsible for the dismantling of my life a while back. anyway.) Some parts are quite alright, if you like that sort of thing. The Mellow Mushroom is one of the neat parts. Its website labels it as 'a delicious escape from the mundane', and that pleases me. I love things that endeavor to be different, exciting, colorful, adventurous. So although I would prefer something more vintagey or whimsical, the place still delights me. As is usual with such out-of-the-ordinary places, the people who work there both appear intriguing and are generally very friendly.

We were supposed to go to Barnes & Noble this evening, but I felt very ill as we were about to leave, so we postponed the trip until tomorrow. Usually I am very opposed to going out on holidays, but this is a bookstore and I rarely ever get to go to a decent one, and we shall only be there in the morning when we'd be doing nothing but waiting for food to finish cooking, anyway. I guess it will mean missing part of the Macy's Parade, and I always enjoy watching that, but I'll still see part of it anyway. Hopefully I'll get to see the Santa Claus float. Somehow, it seems that when Santa appears in the Macy's Parade, that is the actual beginning of the Christmas season. Technically premature, perhaps, but if one is to be honest, Thanksgiving really does kick off the Christmas season and there is naught to be done about it. However, I still don't like the unveiling of Christmas things before Thanksgiving. If you don't keep it for its proper time of year, it won't be so special. That being said, I am at the moment being a bad person. I have a personal rule that says no Christmas music until the day after Thanksgiving (at least, not when I can control the situation). However, I seem to be having trouble getting into Christmas and that is perturbing. A few weeks ago I started hearing Christmas music and itching for more, itching for Christmas. However, the other day I heard a Christmas song and somehow, it didn't work. Perhaps part of it was the sixty-degree weather and lack of snow. I know that I would have no trouble at all if it was snowing. You see, when I hear Christmas music it instantly transports me to Christmas, but usually when the season is just beginning, it's difficult actually realizing that it's time for it right now. It always sneaks up on me and seems not quite real, and it seems to be more like that this year, and I'm not sure why. Thus, I'm listening to Christmas music prematurely in hopes of getting a jump start on myself.

I don't think I will do a Thanksgiving Post this year, with what I'm thankful for and all that. It's pretty much the same as last year, and you know, it's not like I have to search out what I'm thankful for. Love, family, house, clothes, music, friends, world, beauty, God, everything. I don't think I really need to expound on it. It would feel like beating a dead horse. Anyways. I am all cozy in the hoodie mentioned at the beginning of this post; it is wonderfully warm and soft, light blue with Eeyore on it. I think I had a pajama set with a top similar to it a very long time ago, and it's cute and pleases me muchly. Hmm. I am thankful for that, so there.

-SXM, Sarah Meholick, Esq. Bane of Shadows

Usually I don't do all those together, you see. Some combinations, yeah, but this time I seem to have covered almost all the bases. And the scary thing is, I could have gone on and on, but I needed to go to sleep and sometimes I am smart.

So, here we are in South Carolina. It's always so nice to spend time here the other side of our family. It's awesome, really. The level of comfort and familiarity is very great, even though we only see them once or twice a year. Part of it may be that we used to spend almost two weeks together every year (it's less at a time now, as people get older and there is school to deal with and stuff). I'm so grateful though; I know that I've talked about it before, but I've observed that a lot of people either aren't on the best of terms with their extended family or feel awkward around them, don't have much in common, etc. Despite some major differences between my immediate family and my extended family (on both sides, although the differences are, well, different on one side and the other), we all really do get along very well. There's no awkwardness, I feel very nearly as comfortable with my cousins as I do with my siblings, and can converse with my aunts/uncles and grandparents without feeling judged or trapped or lectured or whatever. (sure, they can have their moments, but so can everyone. I'm saying for the most part.) Tomorrow shall be our traditional girls' outing to Kohl's, complete with Chick-fil-A sweet tea, and Wednesday we'll have our afternoon at Fall's Park and dinner at the Mellow Mushroom (more on this later, if I remember). Thursday of course is Thanksgiving and it will all be Macy's Parade, an abundance of food and family and probably the yearly wiffle-ball game if it does not get dark too early.

On the way down I listened to Switchfoot's new album, Hello Hurricane. I had bought it the day before and saved it for the drive. Eh, let me correct myself. I listened to the album at least three times in a row and have listened to it multiple times since then, all the way through, beginning to end. It is incredible. I forget how Don Miller described it exactly, but I think I may be partially quoting him by saying that it is a perfect storm of turmoil, love, faith and peace from beginning to end. All parts of a storm, too. The anticipation, the storm itself, and the serene quiet afterwards. These are the songs that make us. I know I ramble about music all the time and maybe you get tired of it, but I can't really seem to keep it inside when I find things that can define, well, everything so beautifully. Everything that is important, everything that I am and want to be, everything that makes people and God...eh, Bono says it better. for love and faith and sex and fear, and all the things that keep us here... When there are things that give you a glimpse of that, I can't just keep it to myself. Even if it gets old to you, this is something new, something that reminds me I'm alive and it's wonderful (with pain there can be healing, it is real and it's why we're here and it is wonderful). If at all possible, you've got to hear this album and really listen to it. Here is beauty which can teach and heal, which can change your life and remind you that you have meaning. I can't really recommend one or two songs, because which could I pick? I tried to pick a few (even three or four) which could be called highlights, but ended up typing up the entire tracklist. This might be controversial, but I'm going to say it anyway. This album rivals some U2 songs for lyrics, music and depth.

( a cut, because I don't want to be horribly rude and completely and utterly take over your friends page. only close to that. )

So yeah, it's 12:30 and I should have been asleep an hour ago and instead I typed all this. Apparently I'm a person of extremes. I barely blog at all for a while, and then I do a big monster post that no one wants to read to make up for it. And the scary thing is, I could have gone on and on even more. More than I'm doing now, even. I guess I've been thinking a lot lately and for once I'm remembering my thoughts when I go to write a blog post. I'd save myself a lot of trouble if I would actually bother to blog when I get the urge instead of saving it all for when I happen to be doing so. Anyway. I am going to bed now. Um, hmm. Sorry if I clogged up your friends pages. I hope that you don't mind too much. And don't feel bad if you ignore this whole thing or whatever. It's mostly just for me to be able to organize myself, and if you're not interested that's cool. It's probably only interesting if you like casual philosophizing or if you have a particular interest in the inner workings of me. Yes. Shutting up now. Before I start rambling again. Again.

-SXM, Sarah Meholick, Esq. Bane of Shadows