Well well well. Where to start?

( a cut because I am considerate of your friends pages, even though it may decrease the chances of you reading. see how thoughtful I am? don't you feel bad? aren't you going to read it now? )

Gracious, I haven't even started on what happened today (er, yesterday, now) yet. I'll talk about it tomorrow I guess, since this has turned into another rather large post and I'm not sure how. Perhaps it annoys you lot, I don't know. I comfort myself with the knowledge that I will have accounts of important things, good and bad, in the future.

-S

Technically I'm supposed to ask you lot to do this too, but if you don't, I won't be devastated. It's been forever since I've done a meme and I figured, hey, why not. I need to post something anyway.

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?  - Yes. With my iPod. Also, I'm engaged to suangelita, whom I will be marrying this summer when we run off to a state that allows gay marriage, after she divorces her current husband.

02) What was your dream growing up? - Erm, I don't know. I don't think I had a stereotypical 'I wanna be this when I grow up' as a child. I wanted to have adventures.

03) What talent do you wish you had? - I wish that I was artistically talented.

04) If I bought you a drink what would it be? - Mountain Dew Voltage. You know, the scary looking blue stuff that has ginseng, raspberry, and citrus flavors, and is freaking awesome.

05) Favorite vegetable? - Cucumbers, maybe. I also have a strange love/hate relationship with celery...

06) What was the last book you read? - Nearly finished with Wuthering Heights. Before that, Pride & Prejudice.

07) What zodiac sign are you? - Sagittarius. Which pleases me, because the archer is pretty damn cool.

08) Any tattoos and/or piercings? Two piercings in each earlobe, one 16g helix in each ear.

09) Worst habit? - Nail biting/picking at fingernail polish, maybe.

10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride? - That entirely depends upon who you are. It also depends upon whether or not I am in possession of a car at the time.

11) What is your favorite sport? - Horseback riding.

12) Do you have a pessimistic or optimistic attitude? - I am an optimistic realist? Sometimes?

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? - If you were any sort of interesting, I would play games like rock paper scissors or MASH(O) with the pencil and notebook I invariably have with me. Or maybe we'd climb out of the elevator and up the elevator shaft and escape. But then, perhaps not. That never ends well.

14) Worst thing to ever happen to you? - Well, there was this time that your mom hit on me, and I've gotta say, that was really disturbing...

15) Tell me one weird fact about you. - Gosh, just one?

16) Do you have any pets? - My family has two birds (belonging to my eleven and nine year old sisters) whose names are Mortimer and Davey, although some of us refer to them collectively as Bob Barker. We have two cats named Spike and Pseudodraug who dwell outside, and one cat which is mine. She dwells both inside and out and her name is Zhiva.

17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly? - If I like you, I'll invite you in for tea. If not, well...

18) What was your first impression of me? - If you are on my f-list, I'm sure I thought you were interesting in some capacity or other.

19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary? - Most clowns are not even slightly cute and many of them are at least somewhat creepy. Very few are actually funny, alas.

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? - I'd probably thicken my hair a bit. I'd say that I'd change the color, but I do that already. Muahaha.

21) Would you be my partner in crime or my conscience? Both.

22) What color eyes do you have? - Blue.

23) Ever been arrested? Nay.

24) Bottle or can soda? Bottle, duh.

25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it? - I'd make my plane reservations for CA and make sure everything was in order for Comic Con, first of all. Some of it would go for some shopping for me and my sibs (clothes, neat things), some of it for food/general family use, and the rest away for college expenses.

26) What's your favorite place to hang out at? - The library?

27) Do you believe in ghosts? - I believe there's more to the world than meets the eye. I think most ghost stories are bosh.

28) Favorite thing to do in your spare time? - Read, make music, be fantastically mad with my friends.

29) Do you swear a lot? - Not overly much.

30) Biggest pet peeve? - If peeves suck so much, why do we keep them as pets? People answering questions with other questions. Oh wait.

31) In one word, how would you describe yourself? - Multifarious. Like eclectic, but partially nefarious too.

32) Do you believe/appreciate romance? - Yes. But too many lacy hearts make me want to kill things.

33) Favourite and least favourite food? Strawberries and cream; not sure. I like most things.

34) Do you believe in God? - Yes.

35) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you? Obviously.

-S

The past twenty-four hours or so have been rather wonderful. faeriemaiden came over for our food-and-things-on-screens party, finally. We had lovely gingersnaps and chocolate chip cookies (and chocolate from Hockman's, of course) and lots of tea with the fancy teapot and nice china. Under a canopy of blankets in my bedroom, with faerie lights, tea lights, scarves and dried flowers, it was very lovely. We watched the second half of Alice and then we watched Bright Star. Said movie is absolutely beautiful and very sad - comic relief was provided by the lurking Byron, who made cameos during the film in the form of a cat. But I say! It never occurred to me to like vocal arrangements of classical pieces - I mean, it's neat, but I wouldn't want to listen to them for fun or anything... Bright Star made it occur to me that people might get together and sing classical pieces! That is just a beautiful, magical thing. I want to do it so very much. 

This morning after a yummy croissant and bacon breakfast (also orange juice), we got dressed up and went up on the hill to take pictures. It was a very impractical venture, due to the large amount of snow that appeared overnight, and goddessreason was the only one of us wearing actual snow boots. (Jo was wearing heeled shoes and I was wearing boots of the biker nature, with chunky heels, plus we were both wearing long skirts - in my case, ankle-length.) We managed to make it up the hill in one piece (not without falling a lot though) and we took some pictures and tried to keep our fingers and noses from falling off. My cloak kept me rather warm since it's made of wool, but that didn't help much with the extremities. We survived the trek home by singing songs from Once More, With Feeling. After spending an hour or so at the theatre, we came home for church, and then Jolene and I went to Goodwill before taking her home. I rather scored there, acquiring a fantastic jacket (although it needs altered a bit before it's quite wearable) and two skirts which are absolutely awesome.

Oh, and my darling Jo brought me books! I have got Wuthering Heights and Dianna Wynne Jones' 'The Game' out from the library and am about halfway through the former - but now I have got an entire other stack of books, coming recommended by a very trustworthy source, and I am very excited. Mmm. Books. They are my beautiful little worlds. I need to find some Keats in book form as well, so I can enjoy it properly.

-S

 Today I went to the dentist. Unlike the last visit, they actually knew why I was there and what they were doing to me. Some of you may be familiar with the Long and Epic Saga of my front teeth - for those of you who are not, here is a condensed version. When I was around eleven-ish, I broke my two front teeth on the head of another young girl as we ran around like maniacs in the basement of First Baptist playing tag in the pitch dark. Although at the time her wound was a bit more dramatic (read, there was blood), I think that ten stitches and a cool scar were a much better price to pay than the years of trouble I have had to deal with. The teeth were built back up with dental cement or some such, but when I was around twelve or thirteen I needed a root canal. The root canal left a wake of disaster in the form of a permanent discoloration in my front teeth. My dentist refused to fix it because he said that crowns were the best option and crowns could not be done until I was fifteen. In the time that lapsed between the root canal and the minimum age for crowns, he dropped my family as patients. Last May I finally was seen by another dentist.

So today, my current dentist (who is far nicer than the former, but still has faults) was to drill away the teeth that were in my mouth (leaving the roots and such), take impressions for permanent crowns, and then fit temporary crowns so I don't have to go around toothless until the permanent crowns are done. As he inspected my teeth today, he reminded me that crowns were only a last resort, just so I knew. Thanks, Doc. We went over this last time. Either I get permanent crowns that, barring any unforeseen circumstances, last a blasted long time, or you build up the teeth with whatever it is that you use, which only lasts a few years and will result in edges and staining (not the root canal discoloration, but still) like I've had. Regardless, this was annoying because it gave me pinpricks of doubt that I otherwise wouldn't have had. The whole thing took two and a half hours, which was made more inconvenient by the fact that my dentist is an hour away from where I live. Theuncomfortable/painful bits were made less so by my iPod. It is difficult to entirely sink into the music when someone is drilling inside your mouth, but it does make the drilling more easily tolerated. A few times while they were adjusting the temporary crowns, the dentist and the hygienist made comments, smirking, about how they wouldn't make the teeth too long, or put a very big space between them... I laughed. Nervously.

Now I have got these temporary crowns in, and they don't look too bad in passing. I shall just refrain from inspecting them closely and shall not smile with my lips apart, and practice speaking correctly so that I don't lisp too much. The permanent crowns had ought to be coming in about two and a half weeks. Hopefully it is sooner rather than later. And they had better look damn nice, or I will not be pleased. And if they give me a lisp, so help me... I got my revenge on them for their ill-conceived attempts at joking by coming home and drinking sugary drinks and then making myself gingersnaps to eat. I have also got to be very careful with these temporary crowns, because I do not want them to come out. I will be quite angry if they do.

-S

So I'm looking at Other Colleges. And I'm feeling...lost?

Hallo!

Dad recently rearranged the furniture, and as a result I now have a quasi-desk. It is actually a small green table and I haven't got anything remotely resembling a nice desk chair, but at least it is my own workspace. For the past months I have been using the dining room table, which is very inconvenient when it is time for meals. I think I am going to make myself some pretty, unobtrusive things to hang on the wall in the corner where the quasi-desk is located. Nothing too much because it's still in the dining room and somebody (i.e. Dad) will object, but if I'm going to spending most of the day here I want some things that will make me happy. My room makes me happy, but the only potential workspace up there is Hannah's desk, which is, er, covered in her stuff. How inconsiderate, wot?

I had been very overwhelmed with this whole applying-for-financial-aid thing, but yesterday I actually buckled down and did stuff. I'd been having a hankering to watch Pride & Prejudice for a while - even more so now that I've read the book. So I decided that I would reward myself with Pride & Prejudice, only if I did as much as I possibly could of the paperwork. I printed out the 6 pages of instructions and 22 pages of worksheets and filled out as much as I could, only not completing it because I didn't have all of Dad's information yet. (Today I finished the worksheets and filled out the actual stuff online, but didn't submit it because the thing had some problems. My Dad is technically self-employed, but it asks for the market value of his business, how much he owns in it, etc. He's a parish priest. How do you answer those questions?) So yes. Achieving feels really good. After I'm done with this rot I have to do the FAFSA, and then there's going to be instructions on how to submit copies of everything to the College Board, but the latter does not have a gigantic, important, looming deadline, so that's good. I guess the sucky thing about this adulthood thing is that it never stops, does it? You finish one big scary work thing only to have to start with another. Hopefully college itself will be a little more beneficial and enjoyable, wot wot.

Heehee, I ended both of those paragraphs with 'wot'. I amuse myself. Anyways. Last night Eli and Dad starting watching...ugh...the Simpsons while waiting for another show to start. (I despise the Simpsons, and Family Guy, and all that wretched rot. They are horribly animated [for some reason the Simpsons in particular makes me want to vomit], the humor is disgusting, often raunchy, and offensive to pretty much everything ever. And it's not even funny half the time. Certainly not random and witty the likes of Monty Python, for instance. [Take note, I am not a complete snob - for instance, I like Aqua Teen Hunger Force.]) So yes, they were watching that revolting show. I did the dishes, then posted on Twitter that I intended to hide up in my bedroom with my laptop and Pride & Prejudice, and faeriemaiden gave me a lovely idea.
( Here are the results. )
I am thinking of doing something similar tonight, only I'll be watching Vampire Diaries. Not as romantical and lovely, but still. :)

-SXM, Sarah Meholick, Esq. Bane of Shadows

 Lately, I've been rediscovering.

For a while, it seemed I was too busy to read. Or I couldn't find anything I wanted to read, so I didn't. But I love books, you see. I always have. Reading has always been one of my favorite things, I've always devoured books, for as long as I can remember. This summer I re-read the Lord of the Rings for the millionth time, with the goal of re-reading the Silmarillion when I finished. Instead, I read Alas, Babylon, which was lent to me by shadowempress. It really pulled me in, as a book hadn't done in a while. Then I started Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell in earnest. I've had the book since my sixteenth birthday, a gorgeous hardcover that my friend Emma gave me. I had read the first few pages and, in a way that was very uncharacteristic of me, set it down and didn't pick it back up again. But it did draw me in, and so I began working my way through it again (it's a very large book) during the summer. And then, the magic happened. I was nearly done (only about a hundred pages left, I think) and I went to bed with the intention of, er, sleeping. Instead, the story took hold and I simply could not put it down until I was finished. (that was once pretty much my entire state of existence - as soon as I opened a book, I was there and you had to call my name at least three times before you could get my attention) I stayed up until 2:30 and when I was done I nearly cried. (partially because of the ending. it was so sad, but it was right.)

So, I've sort of been rediscovering my beloved books. I read Pride & Prejudice and it took me a long time. That's another thing which is uncharacteristic of me; usually I read very quickly. Finally, in the third part, I really got into it. We were at Borders last week and I bought myself a book lamp, and I find that hiding under the covers and reading before going to sleep is a wonderful thing. There are no distractions, nothing but the words on the page (and perhaps a soundtrack provided by Dr. Hart [that's my iPod]) and I can fall into the story like I used to do. It's a wonderful thing. I'm nearly done with Tristan And Iseult (Rosemary Sutcliff's telling! joy! I love her writing and the way it makes me proud to be descended from the Celts/Britons) and...I don't know. The pictures, they're coming like the always did, and I didn't know I was missing them until I had them back. I don't have to think about what the things look like...even the smell, the taste, the wind and the sun on my face, it's all there effortlessly. I've been immersed in the music magic, letting myself structure it into songs, and letting it flow out of me when I have no words or anything but that. Now I'm finding the reading magic again, and I'm falling into the stories and the characters and being inspired.

-SXM, Sarah Meholick, Esq. Bane of Shadows

Yesterday was a day of epic shopping. Having to get up at eight-ish on a Saturday was somewhat abhorrent, but going to the Pittsburgh Mills mall with bergsdeswolf, callme_al01, and goddessreason was too good of a prospect to warrant (much) complaint. Despite feeling rather carsick on the way down, we enjoyed a lovely lunch at Panera (my first time eating there, I believe) and then did our shopping. I spent too much money, really, but I am trying not to feel guilty about it, because I earned it and I don't regret any of my purchases at all. (these include a pair of purple trousers [like Hatter's!], a fantastic Alice shirt [it says 'Drink Me' on it! it goes with my mug and my necklace! squee!], pretty earrings from Claires, awesome earrings from Hot Topic that will serve well when punking out any outfit, a pair of plaid Converses [I have been in the market for a pair of interesting high tops ever since my epic blue ones disintegrated last year], and a hardcover copy of Don Miller's new book, 'A Million Miles In A Thousand Years.') None of the things I got were necessarily expensive (most were on sale, in fact, including the Converses), but I tend to feel badly whenever I spend money, I'm not sure why. It's kind of annoying and I'm trying to get out of the habit, but then, it's better than being irresponsible.

I also watched parts of Heavy And Light from the live webcast last night. Aaron Gillespie and another chap (Aaron Marsh, I think) did a beautiful stripped down version of 'Some Will Seek Forgiveness, Others Escape', which is my favorite Underoath song. Every time I hear it I am struck, but this time it was especially so. As I posted on Twitter and Facebook at the time... hey unfaithful, I will teach you to be stronger / hey ungraceful, I will teach you to forgive one another / hey unloving, I will love you That's...that's everything. Nothing else matters without that. You know, you can give me all your poison, pills, and hopeless hearts. But without this, life doesn't mean much. Stephen Christian made my night by playing my favorite Anchor & Braille songs. I really enjoyed Bryce Avary's set and must acquire some music by The Rocket Summer very soon (and he played 'Maps' by Yeah Yeah Yeahs!). Then Aaron Gillespie came back on and I pretty much cheered (albeit quietly) when he played two of my favorite The Almost songs, and also covered 'Where The Streets Have No Name' (with an acoustic guitar, cello, piano and Zach Williams singing backups!!!) I really love that kid. Aaron is a wonderful example of what Christians should be like. I'm waiting for the video to come out so I can transcribe what he said about issues, understanding, grace and God. This man, he's only in his twenties, but he has a lot of wisdom, I think. I'll be posting the quote here once I've got it, because I think what he says is important. Aaron's also a charismatic frontman, random and friendly. Not to mention a great musician. Yeah. (He's kind of like a long-haired, less Irish, taller version of Bono, without the preaching and dedicated love of hyperbole. As I said, love this guy.) When he finished his set, he called the other musicians on stage, and guys, it was a finale to remember. I keep meaning to post the video of last year's finale (I'll do it tomorrow, in fact, provided I remember), which was wonderful too. This year, there were fifteen musicians onstage. Multiple guitars and percussion, mandolin, piano, harmonica, everybody singing. They did 'Stand By Me', which made me very happy and reminded me of my U2 show. What had me cheering again though, was the final encore. They played 'I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For', and guys, I'm not exaggerating when I say I was as joyful when I was lying on the floor in my bedroom watching a live webcast from Florida on a tiny screen, as I was when I was standing in a stadium in Boston hearing U2 play the same song. I think that, after U2 this summer, my next Show I Must Go To is next year's Heavy And Light. Whoever was running the live Twitter feed posted this during the encore: 'It's like a feeling that nothing else matters in the world right now except for HOPE and COMMUNITY.' And man, I wasn't even there, and I knew it. It was that feeling of camaraderie that is often present at concerts, but deeper and more. I stayed up way too late, being part of this evening of heavy and light, and it was something special.

I want to post more, but my head kinda hurts and I need to go to bed. Been getting headaches lately, not sure why. They're not bad, just kind of there. Tomorrow I need to post videos here. I also need to make a scrapbook page, finish recording a song, practice music for the theatre, and other stuff. So, I am off to my bed. (after I wash my face, brush my teeth, etc...some day, I'll be able to do things without doing other things first. you know what I mean?) As Jamie says, peace to you tonight.

-SXM, Sarah Meholick, Esq. Bane of Shadows

Well, today was rather good. At the moment it isn't, as I have a headache, but I'm sure it will improve upon the appearance of dinner. I recorded half of the piano track for a song, then went out to run errands. I acquired copious amounts of yummy things at Hockman's due to their wonderful generosity, I exchanged the Polamalu jersey I got for Christmas for one that actually fits, picked up my pictures at Walmart, and treated myself to a new shirt. My grandmother sent me some money for Christmas (it only got here a couple days ago), so I decided I could justify a $5 shirt which will come in handy in making new outfits. Unfortunately, the rest of the day has not been so productive, but I think that part of the feeling of meh right now is the headache.

I did not get into the show at the theatre, but I am helping with the music at practices. I'm learning the score on the piano - it's rather difficult, but fun to play once I've got it down, and it's a nice opportunity for me to actually work on my piano playing. So that's what I've been up to lately, I suppose. I'm going to fill out the FAFSA nonsense and then find colleges with rolling admissions at which to apply. I'm not doing both at once, else I'll get overwhelmed and do nothing. Tomorrow, some shopping in Pittsburgh, hurrah! I've got Border's gift certificates, so I can buy myself a book or two guilt free! I'm very pleased about this. I suppose a quick trip into Hot Topic will be in order as well. (erm. of course. yay for doing odd jobs and having a bit of money. never fear though, I shan't spend too much. I never do, unless it's on Christmas presents.) Oh, new layout and title, by the way. I like it.

Beeca has friends over and they've been making lots of noise. I think I am going to find something to eat while waiting for dinner and then curl back into the couch with Pride & Prejudice. Or wait, perhaps dinner is ready, in which case the book shall accompany me to the table. It's taken me a long time to finish this book, mostly because I've been abandoning it for days at a time, which is very unlike me. This is what growing up and having to Do Things will do to you! I highly advise avoiding it, if ever you have the chance. Oh, today I dressed pseudo-Victoriana-goth and was very pleased with myself. I think I'll do it again tomorrow and maybe acquire stuff to make more outfits of this sort at Hot Topic. I was inspired by Connor and Abby's outfits at the end of the Primeval season finale that we watched last night. Both of them have fantastic clothes. And I've just been given good news! One of the friends brought along Night At The Museum 2, so I can finally see it. This pleases me.

-SXM, Sarah Meholick, Esq. Bane of Shadows

 So. It's New Year's Eve again. Weird, that. Earlier, Sophie and Xenia were sitting in the living room, contentedly listening to U2's 'No Line On The Horizon'. It was the quietest they had been in two days. I must remember this for the future.

Last year at this time I was on a plane en route to London... 

I often have difficulty thinking of things which define an entire year. The things which immediately come to mind are the most recent events, which of course do not define the entire year. 2009 was not a bad year, I suppose. 2008 was - but 2009 was not. 2009 was not recovery, maybe, but it was adjusting. It was also a year of monumental importance in terms of things I did and me growing up (which, by the way, will never be completed).

( I'm going to run the risk of being free )

That's a dismal note to end this on, isn't it? Well, let me say one more thing. That was 2009 - in a few hours, it will be 2010. Maybe I didn't go as far as I wanted to, but I did make it a little farther along the path of my life. There's no definable end to it, you see, so it's not like I'm worried about moving too fast right now. I grew up some, but in good ways, I think. Oh yeah, I turned eighteen this year. But yes, 2010. I got to move along, grow, discover and even have a few adventures this year, and I hope that next year will have even more of that. And it's not a vain hope, I think. Happy New Year, my friends. May the good memories of 2009 stay with you and the bad ones fade, and may the new year bring you many blessings.

-SXM, Sarah Meholick, Esq. Bane of Shadows